Eris Is Worth USD50 MIL!!??

…. plus minus 10mil. Sorry, never been good at math.

Well, at least according to these people:

Eris: WOW, a whole 10% for MOTHERLESS babies! Way to get my tear ducts going.. 

Eris: I don’t know.. can I? That sounds like a lot of funds. 

Eris: I know this must be for that Couch Potato Award I entered last year; I’m honoured.

Eris: I didn’t know that the Lord handed out email addresses. 

Eris: Who am I to say no to a pastah? 

Eris: Donation, but it’s not 2.6bil? 

Eris: It’s okay, you can use my face for free, Kim Shawarma. I mean Sharma. 

Eris: I’m flattered Mrs Nedia. I guess posting your kind email here would not count as ‘top secret’, whoops. 

Eris: Oh I didn’t get the 5000, must have missed it. Mind sending it again? 

Eris: I’ve been waiting since 2012! About darn time! 

Eris: I’m very much alive, thanks for the concern Bob! 

 

Eris: Tsk, tsk, Hazim, what did your mom tell you about entering partnerships with strangers? 

Eris: That’s all very nice to know, but do I look like I care? 

 

My favourite:

 

Eris: No. No we may not. 

 

On another note, it still baffles me that there are people falling for things like this in 2017 lol.

 

Jepp’s Flop Reel

E’s cat Josep ‘Jepp’ is super adorable. I mean, who wouldn’t love such a cute kitty? He’s a big boy, cuddly and fluffy, and he has the sweetest temper ever and the tiniest little squeak (he doesn’t mew). And unlike some mean cats out there, Jepp is super patient and will allow you to squeeze and snuggle him without protest. He’s very careful not to scratch or bite, even with strangers, so I guess he’d be a good pet to have in a household with kids.

One really funny thing about Jepp is that he likes to flop. He flops whenever E comes back from work, exposing his belly in a gesture that’s almost like “Welcome home, pet me!” And coz he’s kinda fat, it’s even funnier when the fats on his body jiggle around… 😀 So here I’ve put together a Jepp Flop Reel, playing to Bodies by Drowning Pool.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Close Encounters of the Hippie Kind

I had the weirdest encounter with a hippie today. He looked like the artsy type with a goatee, long hair and funky clothes.

I was shopping for decorative stuff at Pasar Seni and all these lovely dreamcatchers caught my eye. I didn’t know if I wanted to get them so I was walking past the shop a couple of times. When I finally went in, said hippie-owner greeted me warmly with a ‘Welcome, sister! I saw you walking past a few times and I really noticed you by the way you dress… so unique! I miss dressing like this… ” (I put in ellipses because he tends to trail off mid sentence)

Me: *taken aback because I wasn’t really dressed up. I was wearing a long sleeved black knit shirt, black tights beneath shorts and boots* Uhm, okay….

Him: When I saw you, I was hoping you’d come in, but then you were gone…. then you came back and I felt “oh, there is hope!”

Soooooo this guy (let’s just call him E) started to tell me his life story out of the blue, and how he came to open his Red Indian themed shop. There we were, standing with hundreds of dreamcatchers over our heads, and E talks to me about how he used to have a Harley which he used to travel all over the country and his adventures in America, how he had friends among royalty and celebrities and random snippets of life advice (My father lived til he was 98… I was never schooled properly, but he told me to always persevere….)

The unnerving thing wasn’t exactly that he was going on about those things, but how he occasionally patted me or held my hand and called me ‘sister’. I’m not touchy-feely and body contact with anyone other than my closest friends and fam makes me uncomfortable. But at the same time, despite his rambling, he seemed like a nice guy and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I mean, I came in expecting to buy a dreamcatcher; Wasn’t expecting a buy one dreamcatcher, get a half-hour talk for free!

He also showed me old newspaper clippings of himself dressed up in traditional Sioux or Indian clothes, and one of him on a Harley. “I was one of the first Harley bikers in the country. Back when I drove to Batu Feringghi (Penang), these Canadian chicks would just come up and try to hitch a ride (then he demonstrated how to sit on a Harley) but then I’d decline them coz it was a one-seater. And if I went there alone, I want to come back alone,”

Then he asked for my number, which I had no way of wriggling out of lol.

“You should come look for me if you’re ever in town or need more dreamcatchers!” he said while shaking my hand. “We can have dinner or a drink at Hard Rock KL. I’m a regular there.”

Me: Uhm, okayyyyyyy. (I was mostly nodding and uhm ah-ing through the whole bizarre I’m-suddenly-your-friend convo)

When I was finally going to leave, he held up his hand again and I thought he was gonna shake it, but instead he pulled me close for a one-armed hug and then kissed my hand (!!!!!!!)

Idk, people have never done that to me before. I was feeling weirded out. Dear hippies, is that hippie language for ‘I’ll see you next time’ or ‘It’s nice meeting you?’ Please enclose warning label before doing because you’d freak people like me out.

He did give me a great discount on the Dreamcatcher, at only RM10 (NP: RM40) so… I’m still trying to make up my mind if he was being friendly in some weird hippie way, if he was trying to hit on me, or if… I don’t even know.

No offense meant against hippies.

Joker

I am currently procrastinating from doing my assignment(s) by telling some lameeee jokes.

1) Contrary to popular belief, serious looking dads such as my papi can actually tell jokes. albeit, syok sendiri ones. case in point:

The family was in the car going somewhere.
Bro: I don’t want the name “Cyrus” oredi. What do you suggest?
Me: I dunno. Caleb? Andrew?
Dad: Why don’t you call yourself ‘Pika’? (proceeds to laugh all by himself while awkward silence)

 

Okay, what’s so funny about this joke?

My surname is Choo, you see. So Pika + Choo = Pikachu. Get it?

2) Mothers think that their jokes are extremely funny, although they’re usually extremely lame. This may also apply to certain dads in some cases.

Mum: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Me: 26 la lol.
Mum: If ET flew away, how many are left?
Me: huh? *blur* 24 la.
Mum: No la, 21.
Me: Er why
Mum: coz ET sit in UFO ma. *proceedds to laugh by herself while another crow flies by the scene.*

3) Do not use SMS language while telling jokes. It’ll spoil the joke. XD

Me: (SMS) How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Hubby: 26
Me: If ET flew away, how many R left?
Hubby : ( Very selamba) 1 la.
Me: *Confused* Why ?
Hubby: You ask me if ET flew away, how many letter R left ma. Alphabet oni got 1 R wat.
Me: (no mood to joke anymore)

Ahaha. That’s all for now. I need to go find arguments for IR. Although basically I don’t care what happens if the state is the main actor in international relations, or if the state wants to be Angelina Jolie…