I’m Tired

I’m tired.

I’m tired of not being able to have a mature conversation with you without it turning into World War III, without being told that I am an ungrateful child who ‘cannot take care of herself’. The truth is, you have never let me try. You are AFRAID to let me try. Because you know that if you unchain me from these shackles, I will fly away and never look back.

I am not perfect. I might fall down along the way. I have made mistakes. I WILL make more mistakes. Because I am only human.

I am tired of trying to convince you of points other than your own. Because they will forever be ‘wrong’ and ‘poor decisions’ in your eyes.

Sometimes I feel guilty. Of not being able to live up to your expectations. For not doing more.

But more is never enough.

Sometimes I feel guilty when I lock myself in my room after a fight and you deem it as ‘running away’ from my problems. But I see it as the smart thing, because there is only so much I can hold back when words can sting and hurt and may never be taken back.

I run because I do not want this hurt you inflicted on me unto you. So I take the anger and the blame into, towards myself. And that has made me an angry person for 25 years.

I am tired that I can never be the one to talk back to you because of your ‘sacrifices’. And for that, I am indebted by a bond of blood that can never be repaid. I did not ask to be born.

Children may come from you, but they do not belong to you.

Maybe the only way I can repay your ‘sacrifices’ is by sacrificing my own happiness.

People might say that I am an unfilial child. That parents have the right, EVERY right, to take away their child’s happiness and even their very life, because they gave life to that child.

I am tired because the only reason you are this way is because of me.

I am tired.

 

 

I am so, so tired.

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Author: Luna

Bibliophile/foodie. Drop me a line at erisgoesto@gmail.com

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