Sketches – Habits

 

I suck at drawing portraits, so this didn’t quite turn out how I imagined it to be. .___. Sometimes you have the image in your brain, but your hands just don’t have the skill to sketch it out.

Recently, I’ve been addicted to the song Habits by Tove Lo, a Swedish artist whose single has been dominating the charts all over the world. So I decided to draw her based on one of the screenshots from her video.

The eyes are kind of flat-looking.. and the colouring is bad.There’s a lot to work on. I couldn’t shade her jawline either without making it seem like a beard. .___.

I really like this song because I can relate to the lyrics – of how it hurts so much to be left behind by someone you poured your heart and soul into, that you have to ‘stay high’ to forget about missing them. I was an overachiever in school, but I have never had much confidence – because I was bullied by others for not ‘fitting in’ and had strict parents who were never proud of my achievements. To get straight As were a duty, not an obligation.

As a teen, I felt that nobody understood me, least of all my parents (they’re Asian, we don’t have that whole sitting down to talk shit. You either get over stuff or you don’t.) I craved love, and I looked for it in all the wrong places. When I was 15, I had my first ‘love’, who turned out to be a cheater and a liar. Devastated and unable to talk to anyone, I spiraled into this out-of-control phase of self-harm. I was cutting myself, I jumped from one relationship to another to ‘forget’.. but I was never happy even though outwardly I was laughing and smiling. This lasted until my late teens, when I finally met my ex, CK, whom I dated for five years. He was a pillar of strength in that time, but I fucked it up because I felt that I didn’t deserve good things. He’s a nice guy, and I treated him very badly. To this day, I feel sorry for it. After our breakup, it was back into that self-destructive cycle. I tried a few more relationships, none of which worked out.

I’m 24 now and although it has been a turbulent few years, I feel like I’ve finally found stability. I met someone who really cares for me, who loves me even though I was so broken, who pieced all the broken little pieces together and mended it.

To those who are going through the same experience, take it from me that it gets better. You don’t have to hurt yourself over people who probably wouldn’t care one way or the other. You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first.

Enough emo blogging though.

BAHAHA. 

 

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