Diary

Bitter.

Matt (my ex from the UK) recently flew over to Finland to meet up with his girlfriend.

And of course I’ve been bombarded with images of them (on FB) summer-frolicking around in Finnish countryside, having an awesome time.

I don’t have feelings for Matt anymore, but it still gives me a pang seeing him so happy.

As bitch as it sounds.. I want him to be at least a little more remorseful for what he’s done to me.

Telling me it wouldn’t work because of the whole ‘distance’ factor, and then hooking up with someone else would’ve been fine, if she had been close to him. But no, his other relationships were LDR too.

The funny thing is, he’s talked about his other LDR-ex on his blog, but not me. It’s like I’m some kind of dirty secret he tried to hide. I’d like to think that he still has the dignity to be ashamed of himself, but.. nah. I think it’s just coz I meant nothing to him.

It stings. Not coz I like him, but coz rejection sucks.

I hate how his friends see him as the ‘nice guy’. Coz he sure wasn’t to me.

Maybe I’m just bitter coz my own relationship is going nowhere. Things between me and Tom are just.. idk.

I’m scared. I don’t want what’s happened between me and Matt to happen. It’s the same shit all over again.

It’s my  bad for playing dating games on hard level. It’s just that I feel like T’s really worth it. Coincidence that it’s happening… twice.

I really like him.But I don’t know what I mean to him.

Whatever. Giving a fuck is just too tiring sometimes.

 

 

edit: Talked to T tonight. I told him I was sad so he kept me company. I don’t wanna push him too hard, coz I know he does care. He just has a funny way of showing it sometimes. Like singing Cantonese songs out of tune until I fall asleep. 

He’s planning to stop by for a week on his way back to Hong Kong. Maybe we’ll go for a roadtrip, just the two of us. 

How will it go on after that? IDK. Ricky said I’m being a retard. I guess I am. 

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